wheres my ego when I'm alone with u,
wheres my attitude when taking to you,
how is it that my walls brake away,
and heart feels again when I'm around you,

what magic do you have to make me feel,

i see you hurt inside like i do,
that you build walls like i do,
made out friends and work and school,

i let you hold me in your arms,
not saying the word i know are true,
wanting to say i love you,
wanting to say i care,

letting the pain tare me apart,
letting my self become so numb,
letting the pain show on my arms,
falling into despair,

as fall into darkness i cry to you,
do u not see my pain
do u not hear my shouts,
do not see the blood that pours out for you,
the pain i feel time i leave your arms,

i see into darkness that is my soul and see you there,
the only thing that is keeping from falling fast,
i hold on to a hope that i feel is not real,
to a vision that will fade the moment you look away,
i need you, i need you, is the echo i hear in my head,
ask me self thousand time a day,
why do i love you,
why do i need you,
why are you doing this to me,
how are you doing this to me,
how brake away,
I'm hurting in side but few see
I'm hurting for you and for me,
id want take your pain way,
to you not hurting any more,
when will this pain end
when will i be happy again

poetry at it's best

the passion is the word
words linger in the sky

your words are now within me
I must now carry them round
whilst they smoulder

the moment must be consumed
with hungry passion and delight
never a moment like this
appears in the night again
shoulder

when passion gone
who is still there
knowing my soul
taking me to the next star light to dance
to fall over in cold shadow of my life
where would you if you could
how far would travel
what moon beam would you ride to see me wrap in darkness

lay your head on my shoulder
let your hair fall down
we have what we have
there is no more
only drink from the cup
intense and hot

where do i cry by night
when moon full
where do i lay my head at night
where would you fall me and where do i live
in shadows or in light what name do i speak
when lost in light

I feel your breath upon me
I find you with your sigh
You turn me wild with nightly voices
My heart
My fingers
Find your gaze

Your eyes without depth
Lips soaked in red
begin with me quick
take me away with a cry



do ever ask the darkness
to love you as you are
or a faceless god
do you know were to find my when cast a echo
in the darkness


desire for your words
a place for my own
the echo of myself
when from you lips
trembles my heart

to know you is to burn within


i ask you what do know of me tell who am and what you think
tell what hear when i call your name
and what do reflect when write

you blood will bring me fire
and a part of you
unknown to others
I would have you closer
and closer still
till there was no space

would my blood tell who i am
or would it bring some sort of inner peace
would you try and release this life that we are in to make me whole take back to who i once was
find me in a place were fear is salvation of all forgotten
saints

brush your hair away from your skin
let neck lay warm and white
my hot mouth bit into your vein
let flow your hot gush of life

let drink words as if they are blood
fallow in to my crypt
find the answer there

am truly darkness
let feel skin of neck
take on a journey to your past
let know every second you have loved and hated
lick up sweat that drops that fall unto that darkness

the scars in your mind
pollute your touch
hold yourself
burning hot

with freshness of desire
you want all that I can give
and no more
ripping my pain
and giving me back

then dragging blood red nails
down my back

inhale the heat of what will
but let flow of my words take to places where i am
into darkness rest
but who said that where i want lye
take far from the cold ice i have come

flow over me like water
cover my soul with your darkness
I will pull your skin next to mine
feel my heat


then taste me in the words
that flow like water
let my darkness fall on you like water
from the sky

taken by yourself
scratched by the pain
wanting more is never enough
your taste is enough
to see in the dark


you have all to do is sleep
then you will brake through to me
for in darkness you can see

drenched in juices
flowing out from your mind
drift into the pleasure
of knowing your own skin


liquid of black
clouds erupt
no restraints
to peel off my skin
lick my lips dry
off the blood

reddened lips bright in the dark
slowing down my thought
till I feel the heat

i am the darkness my eyes are stars my hair is mist i am the darkness



and you are within the mist



the darkness is me


A darkness surrounds the best of us.

dusk/dark as blood

dusk

Find me in graveyard
take me into moonlight wait with me till dusk
let take to my crypt laid you beside me for ertinty


dark as blood

im falling into blood where one memory begins and another one begins,
i crave the night dispise the day that i wait to fade yes im am the thing you fear the vampire whispering in your ear

pain

blood rains down my broken face
hatred lies in the darkness of heart
fallen angel with broken wings
take to place pain is of my own making

shadows

blackened wings of angel to die
blood on white
blood on black
help take my life
take me to graveyard of broken dreams
let my blood run deep
fallen tome stone ready be my grave
let died without a heart
take heart let be blown to west to south to north to east

soul of darkness

i slip into the darkness
fallen from the sky 
i feel tremendous pain
so much i wish to die
my blackened soul descends
to wallow in demise
i hold my cloak to my chest
to shield me from your lies 
a trickle of blood leaves me falling like bloodied tears
my soul has left

self_abuser

i slashed my wrist
gave the knife a final twist
in search for inner peace
some sort of release
i am a born again nihilist
i don't need you to be my apologist 
pump some heroin into my vein
to try and release the pain
you can call it self-abuse
or just another excuse
To avoid facing up the reality
that just my mentality
i am into self-denial
i cough up phlegm and bile
i am going to try starvation
in the hope of salvation

a tale of a Gothic princess

princess Dominica looked so beautiful
all dressed in black
with white make-up and red lips
she sat on the throne so full of majesty
the onlookers were dazzled by her beauty and worshiped the ground she walked upon
the king was not well
and expected to die soon
and the queen had died long ago
so the young princess would soon rule the kingdom
everyone was impressed with her intelligence and grace
she carried out her duties without question or complaint
and she would always greet new visitors with a smile
once the audience was over she would return to her rooms
in the privacy of her own rooms she would cut wrists
and let the blood pour into a bowl
she would force food down her throat until she could eat no more
then she would go to the ladies room and be violently sick
underneath all her garments she was painfully thin
she felt so much pressure to be beautiful
she had many suitors but none that she loved
under a thousand red roses
her cousin Isabella was now next in line
and took over the royal duties
a heavy burden for a fifteen year old to deal with
"So many souls are sacrificed on the road to glory"

Saturday, January 20, 2007

take me in to darkness,

fallow me into the moonlight,

tell me that you love me in darkness,

take my frozen heart and melt it free from it's frozen prison,

don't let me fall back into darkness,

hold me from the abyss that is my pain,

do this and i will love you forever 

to every girl

to every girl that dresses
cute not skanky

To every girl who wants to be
called beautiful not hot.

To every girl that will spend her
whole day looking for the perfect
present for you.

To every girl who gets her heart
broken because he chose
the whore instead.

To every girl that would die to
have a decent boyfriend.

To every girl who would just
like once to be treated
like a princess.

To every girl that cries at night because
of another heartbreak.

To every girl that just wants
to hold hands.

To every girl that kisses him
with meaning.

To every girl who just wishes
he cared more.

To every girl who would just once
want a guy to give their jacket
up when they are cold.

To every girl who just wants
him to call.

To every girl who lies awake at night
thinking about him.

To every girl that just wants
to cuddle.

To every girl that just wants to sleep
with him without having sex .

To every girl that is SCARED to put her
heart Out There again because she has
been HURT tooo many times or so badly.

To every girl who shows how much she cares
and gets nothing back.

To every girl that thought maybe this could
be the one but instead got her heart ripped out.

To every girl that believes
in her dreams.

To every girl that would do anything
so she could achieve those dreams.

To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff
when she actually doesnt think it is funny.

To every girl who is just looking for that
one and only and is having a rough
time along the way.

To every girl that doesn't want a guy who
just plays with her emotions but actually
cares about how she feels.

To every girl that fell for all the lies
only to find themselves alone in the end.

To every girl that gave her heart away
to have it shoved back in her face.

I going to miss her

I'm going to miss her,
When she forever gone,
And if she doesn't stop soon it shouldn't be too long

She really means a lot to me I don't want her to leave
I wish she really cared enough to never let me grieve
She always talks about how she wants to die but shed better think again I'm not saying good-bye just pick pretty flowers and put them in a vase
Don't pick up shiny knives just to cut your pretty face
All the pain that she suffers isn't just hurting her its others around her pushing them to find a cure
She doesn't even know that she so many friends who will stick by her side forever until the end
Many of you may not realize
But that's not all I'm losing my best friend to drugs and alcohol

Sunday, May 04, 2008

if i where to fallow my heart

there are two place i love to most in the world one is safe in the arms of the one who i love most in world but is lost to me now forever,
the other is where i feel im at peace and whole is the seas and lakes when in water i feel free and whole,
i can swim for hours feeling at peace with my self and others around me i feel light and airy.
not pulled down by and thing every thing seem to stop and make since.
mabie i should take a trip to the lake soon so i can swim and feel that peace,
because to fallow the person i have fallen in love with would brake my heart and make feel what it's like love again, is it worth it any more i wounder as long as i have hope i live life not hating my self or any one around me i will NOT build steal walls around me for i know that steal walls are only thing that will truly make unlovable.

looking in a mirror

in a mirror



i look in a mirror and what do i see,

i see girl that i wish was not me,

covered in dirt because she sleep under a brig,

she so lost standing there wondering were to go,

wish i could help her then i remember that's me,

fall back into what thought was fake realizing what could never be,

i realize that that i will never have home or life that i will never stay because i wander and flee from those who help me....

a spell

I call into darkness,
I call into light,
what was and what is,
be it death or life,
let it arise now,
let darkness bend to my will and let light ground it to me,
ashes to ashes ,dust to dust
let the power old be awaken let light infuse it.
and darkness make it whole.
by the power of blood and earth
i bind thee to me

looking mirror

look in a mirror and what do i see...
a reflection of very thing i use to be,
a mix of drugs and alcohol,
with a little bit pain and abuse,
the face of a girl that faces the world alone and scared,
she shows her pain on her arm,
will those scars ever heal,
she hold her tears inside so she never shows to be weak,
she pushes her feeling away with weed,
she rides on each high hoping lose her pain,
she knows only that as weed keeps piling and heroin keeps flowin,
she can keep on pretendin that she feels nothing and is nothing,
i look in hurt in her eyes and my pain is the i see the pain druggie and the addict,
pain of so many resentment and scars unhealed,
the pain grows to tell a story life once lead,
as she looks back at me feel know all to well she a chapter a life story that yet to be sung a poem to be heard,
a flash back to time that was hard a place in past that yet to spoken of and a door shut on.

blasting back out of the past,
thinking of who i was,
the stoner,
the hippie,
the unprepared youth,
living a day for another high,
living a day for another ride
going nowhere, having no one,
two step from jail,
two from no home,
except 3 hots and a cot,
if i got caught,
living in a make believe reality,
from pot to heroin
to shroom to acid
and when it was all gone,
saying good bye
then realizing I'm making a excuse to go get high.

another night with word unsaid,
another night i leave with regret,
taring these wounds open again,
now i think I'm a fool,
a fool to hope,
a fool to want,
i look for a shooting star every night,
just to make another wish that will never come true,
i come closer to letting my self feel,
then i realize that I'm believing in a dream,
an i wake back up again back up again.